I don't need you to _____ me like you used to... just don't treat me like a stranger...will you?

It's always been you writing those letters to me and I've never thought that for once...I would have to write one to you.

I don't know if you will read this...I don't know if you will care...I don't know even if I sms you this...email you this...msn you this...you will respond to me...

I really really really don't want us to drift apart ): you promised you won't let that happen ): you promised! D: but somehow this few weeks...(even months?) i feel like all this promises that you've once made doesnt matter anymore... it may...to me. but nothing to you? I may not talk about it...but that doesn't mean I've never appreciated you by my side.

I don't want you change ): but...I guess you believe otherwise... After you came back...everything just seem so different...I felt that you've never actually come back... what about everything you've said before you left? did you forget? ): you said you would be back really soon and tell me not to be upset or anything... isn't your 'really soon' really long? ): I've waited and waited and all I get is...bit and pieces of eveything. everything thats not completed.

I don't know how you feel about this...I never knew but I want to. I always wanted to but you will never tell me the truth. Why does everything have to be so complicated in the first place? ): I feel like I'm the only one trying to stay aboard the sinking ship and you've already given up hope... I feel like I'm the only one trying...only one.

What happened to you? ): You've said you will always be here but now when I need you, you're no where near. You've said it sucks to see me cry, but now when I'm crying, you don't care anymore. You suck seriously. What made you change so much? ): what made you treat me like this? ): why are you ignoring me? ): why are you...argh D:

I hate it. I want you to come back ): so even if I plea with all my heart and tears...would you even care? Come back...write me a letter...even if its the last thing you would do for me...

The bell jar is closing in on me...but where are you?

Does that sound familiar? Or have you already forgotten? I need you ): really.

I can't believe how blunt and insensitive some people can get.

crushed...is that the word you used? half-done shelter? tent? wth. woman. Crushed? you wish. halfdone? you wish. tent? oh man i didnt know we were pitching one! you know. a woman can sit around and wish alot but sadly it won't come true (:

screamed like shittt. yeah nice to know that you know that you're being insensitive. it was like...what's the word you've used? euphoria? you must been really happy then! i'm so happy for you!

but be happy for now...next time...you won't be so lucky next time! ;D

You know what. I love your post a lot. why? O: BECAUSE YOU GOT ME STIRRED UP TO WORK HARDER AND TRASH YOU! ;D TRASH~ YAY RUN AROUND THE BIN! ;D

THANKS DEARIE! OH AND...congrats ;D and watch the orange words...they're too glaring for my eyes (:



lastly, fuck you (:

pretty song D:

1, 2, 3, 4, again 1, 2, 3, 4
Stars, I'm going crazy

No matter how many times I look at you, I can't see you, oh baby
Because of the tears in my eyes, all because of you
My crying face that is reflecting above the spread letters, oh baby
I promised myself I wouldn't cry again, but I'm crying again

What do I do, I don't know what to do, what to do
This is me, I don't know why I'm going crazy like this
All because of you, really because of you
I can't do anything, I

Love you as much as the stars, stars, stars, stars
I came for you to find you, you're that far shining star
Stars, stars, stars, no matter what I say
I really can't express myself
I'm frustrated now, what should I do now

No matter how many times I count, I can't see the end, oh baby
Because of all the memories that are in my heart, I think of you again
I couldn't say everything I wanted to so I say them to myself, oh baby
I want you back, I want to go back to your side

I'm pleading to you, please, I'm pleading to you
To the sky, my prayer goes to the sky
Cheer me up, cheer me up
Please, where are you now

Stars, stars, stars, stars, talk to me
Is it over? Is that it? Answer me, don't just laugh
Stars, stars, stars, stars, I'm pleading to you
Just for once, my love
Let me fly to your side

Star, star, star, ooh baby, star, star, star, oh

I love you as much as the stars, stars, stars, stars
I came for you to find you, you're that far shining star
Stars, stars, stars, no matter what I say
I really can't express myself
I'm frustrated now, what should I do now

心，不由自主地在胸腔里上下乱撞。

It's over. Should I be glad or upset?

Glad, because I'm finally released from this heavy heavy expectation and pressure...this committment...or upset because ct life is all over and no matter how I've regretted...nothing will change it?

I can't say that team 2 did exceptionally well or really bad. I believe that if we've tried our best...then that's that. I trust that everyone of us wanted to try their best and win. everyone can say 'its not winning that matters.' but in the end what actually upsetted us...what actually matters...was it the experience or peter szeto yee (in this case coming in 7th)...or what? it doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm a competitive freak or something, but I really wanted to win...even if its just fulfilling the secret goal that team 2 set...I seriously felt...super fail and disappointed...

Aish.

Despite the disappointment in results, thank you team 2 (and team 1 for the short period of time) for the memories you all have given me in the whole NYCT'10 experience. thank you for all those little presents and messages (: they were very heartwarming (:

sponge~

tattered and torn.

Aish. OMG I seriously hope that we could have gotten closer sooner instead of regretting it now! D: they sounded so sad and I don't know...all the memories and everything...aish D: i hope that we could have had more practices together and time working together for the drums performance! maybe that would have given us time to talk to each other... I don't know. on the malay extravangenza night...I thought that we were like...totally...horrible hosts? we didn't even bother about them! all we cared about was running the show! ... RUNNING THE STUPID SHOW THAT...THAT WE'RE GRADED FOR!? it became so meaningless!? D: WE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO SAY BYE?! D: ITS SO...AHHHHH T^T saya berasa sangat sedih kerana walaupun mereka ialah lelaki, mereka juga berasa amat sedih! it's like...SO SAD! aish. I wish we can have just ONE more practice...to tie things up nicely... ): aish...
If you would just stop giving me false hope...if you would stop glancing at me...if you would just stop.

Just don't read this post if you don't really want to.

Aish. Term 1 is over. Today's the last day. but why do i feel so D:?

I guess it's not just one person or one reason sort of thing. There's so many things to think about D: __________, ct, stress, homework, block tests, _____ ___ and stuff...sigh. This post isn't directly pointed to anyone so yeah...

khengwee! D: i miss you so much ah! D: get well soon and come back to school kay? D: I can't do so many things without you! D: sob. I called but you were sleeping ): aish. felt so ______ without you ): aish. get well soon! so we can complain abt random stuff, go to sqd table tgther, walk to lessons tgther, lash tgther, lalala and take class photo! D: WHY YOU NEVER COME D: must get better okay D: huggie!

Aish. somehow today so many things happened. I noticed that __________ are people who will never neglect and forget you. Somehow today when khengwee wasn't there I felt a whole lot different. When I needed someone...somehow I couldn't find anyone. It felt really bad ): I felt seriously _________ and _________ ... seriously...it sucked.

About the whole _____ thing, I don't know but it seemed as though you people are choosing based on __________...and yes i was very upset over it okay but yah maybe you all failed to notice that. I don't think I'm the only one. How do you think I will feel if everyone else is chosen...but I'm not? I doesn't mean that I don't cry means I don't care...

On to another issue...

I think I will cry when it ends D: how...? Aish...I don't know ____ ____ but somehow...I feel exceptionally upset over this...It's such a one-off thing D: but somehow I feel that I will ____ ____ alot D: WHY! Am I getting abit too emotionally involved in all of this!? aish!

Everything is so damn messy and there's no one there to help. Those who once were...aren't there anymore...or maybe...it's just because everything changed? I really don't know ): Why did all this happen in the first place? Everything is just splitting apart... We once said we won't drift apart isn't it...and then all this happened...it just leaves me feeling very tired and stranded.

I really feel like shit. seriously...

and I don't think those tears were sufficient to express my fustration and upsetness.

I feel seriously upset over all this crappe. except no one will really understand isn't it? EVERYTHING IS JUST WRONG WRONG WRONG! T.T WHY IS EVERYTHING LIKE THAT T.T I really feel like giving up on all this things...I really feel like becoming inmune to all this others got to say...I really feel like becoming numb and ignorant....becoming senseless and feelingless...

hatred? except I can't say I hate any of you...kills to know the people who hurts you most are the people you call 'close' to you...

haha nice try key! :D LOL he looks damn tong ku! 'and my...(hehe) girls?' :D jonghyun so cute kyaaaa! :D