我玩够了，也玩腻了，不想玩了。If I told you that would you believe it? Would you even take me seriously? wth is this. I'm sick and tired of trying to make up to you. I need a _________________ and not a ____________ on me. For some weird reasons, I was really fired up about the ________. I really dislike it when people talk about this and that...

Even if 我曾经试过去____, but forget it. Even if I did once. I won't...

我累了。

Which part of that do you not understand? I should have let it rot and die shouldn't I? I should have gave up... I should have just...move on. Other than feeling like I owe you something instead of really ______________... If I told you... you probably think that I'm a _________. So whats the point? Just let me walk out of here untouched and just end whats left of this stupid...

Wouldn't it be better!?

We will go back to the way it used to be...before...we met each other and screwed each other's life. right? yeah RIGHT.

Alright so get the message now...and get out of my life.

I remember years ago, someone told me I should stay caution when it comes to love...I did.

Yay I shall finally post about my birthday and the celebrations :D

Hehe so I shall thank everyone in general who wished/facebooked/celebrated/gave me a present/did something/anything and etc for me! :D yay. THANK YOU :D

Yay firstly to thank daddy and mummy for the great dinner celebration on saturday and the pretty and delicious cake that you bought for me! :D thank you uncle aunt cousins nicholas and daddy mummy for being there on saturday! :D thank you jieyi for the really pretty necklace and earrings! thank you kenneth for the really sweetlooking necklace! LOL. thank you daddy mummy for the crumpler :D thank you nick for nothing LOL! alright. I'm used to it alright. LOL. Thanks for offering to help me crack the crab shells then -.- yay! thank you :D love you all lots :D


Next, thank you squadmates! :DD thank you for gathering at KAP after my bioattachment to wish me happy birthday :DD haha special thanks to esther for the double celebration, cake and for organising a meetup with squadmates! :D in random order: thank you peiting for the really pretty booklet! haha i really like the knitted cover! thank you puayling for the notebook its really pretty ;D thank you alicia for the $20 voucher haha that I have not extort from! :D thank you lynn, con, wx, jiajia, cao, glenda, jac and clarissa for the doraemon! :D special thanks to clarissa and glenda for present part ll candies and bear and of course...part lll LOL. if you get what I mean...haha. oh yeah! thank you lynn for reminding me not to miss you! :D haha! yay thanks squids :D love ya. (dno where to insert but yeah -> haha thank you cadets as well for wishing me happy birthday! :D and mmmm yeah thank you areamates and other NPCC friends for randomly sending in your birthday wishes! :D)

Alright thank you classmates! :D I can't remember how many of you but yeah thank you em, yy, kw, hl, nat, shan, li, weishan, la, and whoever else who wasn't there but wished me happy birthday from our class! :DD thank you lotsssssssssss :D haha thank you for the gay cake that you guys designed with...is it safe to say a cartoon drawing of me? haha! thank you for the surprise that sort of failed haha! thank you for the guess wallet :D LOL. thank you em, yy and hl for the performance with 'officially missing you - tamia' hahah esp hl who played the piano :D yay thank you la, weishan and sq for the acapella performance LOL! thank you la and weishan (again) for counting down and wishing me happy belated like at least...3 times each? oh well. hahaha yay :D thanks! :D

Thank you imcb attachment people! :D though I just met you guys for 3 days I'm really happy that you guys impromptu celebrated for me during lunch! :DD yay thanks lots! haha cant possibly name all of you but thank you bench 5 people (limmin, roydon, jereme) for making this experience so unique! thank you nanyang people who went with me on this attachment! :D esther, xinyi and jiaying! thank you to the really funny acsb people, gay andss people, evergreen girls, hci seniors, kcpss people, nygh-ians (haha!), and sngs people! ;DD yay thanks :D and whoever else that made the attachment even better :D


Oh yeah! MSP! :D thank you 8 of you who in some way or another wished me happy birthday! haha. terima kasih! :D Although our class is small we somehow get along with it yeah? :D haha! yay you guys are the best! :D glad you all didnt have to sing the 'confirm-everytime-sing-wrong-lyrics birthday song in malay! :D haha yay jiayou for malay Os :DD

Omg. I just rmb: thank you primary school friends for sending your birthday wishes as well! :D haha jiayou for those with Os :D and hope that our class will still be able to meet up like many years from now :D haha. and that our class outings will be less fail and more people can make it ;D yay alright thanks all :D

Hmm alright. I don't know who to thank already. alright THANK YOU ALL :DDD love lots :D

365 - 7 days to my 17th birthday :D as of currently, I shall remain young and youthful! hahaha :D yay :D

Distant million stars.

My illusion, my mistake...

What I hope will be impossible.

One year later I'm still pondering over the same questions. One year later I'm still searching through those memories.

What the shit.

Yay happy birthday! :D

Hmm. It's like...2 and a half hour until my 15 year old is totally gone.

Life for this one and a half decade has been full of ups and downs. I mean whos life isnt? I guess just these few years its getting more hilly. People coming and going. Yeah like really leaving. Leaving...this world. i guess...people who changed me. haha. I never really got to thank you guys for all you have done for me right? Often too late...or taken for granted. Sometimes it makes me wonder if death is really that far away...hmm. alright...i should stop this.

Haha....last 2h and 10mins...oh well. time never stops ticking yea :X I shall sleep. and tomorrow when I'm wake up...i'm 16! LOL. wth. alright -.- far-fetched idea.



last day of IMCB SOP tmr. haha. hope it ends with a high note (:

Yes. What is it I want in life? Maybe I'm not so sure afterall.

I feel screwed. I feel like I'm cheating your feelings. I don't even know why I'm still like that. 好久了...what happened to me...why aren't I letting go. I don't understand myself...

And those songs...starting to relate again...

I said I put all those behind...I flushed them down my playlist...but yet they're striking me once again...

怎么了...the moment you stepped right back in...everything starts to crumble apart again...

I think I really screwed malay o-levels oral test today. Like wth? I keep stuttering and I keep forming weird sentences that didn't even make sense! I was totally lost at what I was saying and the examiners were like smiling in that kind of 'no worries continue' kind of look that actually means like 'omg say smth or I'm gonna fail you'! Compared to all the other msp classmates mine was totally lacking in content and for the other language component I am totally goners. I couldn't even stop erm-ing and everything! OMG WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I FEEL SUPER SCREWED T^T omg I hate myself very much for this. I came home i started crying like mad coz I notice that oral was about 50% of my grades for Malay Os and how i totally screwed it up? my parents probably just think that I'm asking too much of myself...BUT O-LEVELS! I didn't study 4 years just to get a B3 or smth for Malay...esp not if the rest of the class ace it with A1...AHHHHHHHHHHHH T^T

BIO. I totally screwed up. What was I thinking? From the highest in class to...among the lower band in class!? Wth.

I'M SCREWED AND STUPID. I don't even know what I'm doing. I don't even know what I'm ranting about here.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

OMG. I'M SO PISSED AT MYSELF. I'M FUGGING STUPID D< I HATE MYSELF -.- OMG. I'M DAMN IRRITATED. I SHOULD STOP POSTING.

NOW.

What are memories actually? They arent even measurable by mass or any other quantities. They are ultimately nothing. So what difference would it make if I can erase all of them? Save the pain and trouble of being caught in circles by something called memories...in which...is supposingly non-existent. It's just another game played on us...that's all.

It's just...empty spaces that fills up our heart and mind...

Ironic...isn't it?

Except you cant. because you wont, dnt want to and everything else. You got yourselves isolated from all this crap and left everything to me. good job. i hate you. you pig fat evil mean pig/liar/asshole )<

You got me questioning what the last 1 year meant. What difference it has made just over a month. Questions. Yes. Thats all I got stucked in my head now. Left unanswered. because you wouldnt come forth to dissolve the wall you've built around yourself.

I don't understand. I really don't. Did you really mean for this to happen? Do you think it would have made me feel better in any sense? Please...Dissolve the wall and ___________...

Had crosscountry yesterday. 3.2km sian. now i feel old. oh well. sec 2s and 3s must run yea -.- we overtook them like very soon after we set off. anyway. yay ran with sqdms :D tai hao wan le. im glad i ran with u guys. glenda the peeg ran so fast and the rest of us got stucked behind. eventually we caught up ;D thanks jac and zihan for setting the fast pacing. LOL. thanks khengwee peiting con and caoji? and yanni? if they were there behind for the support. haha. yay then student helper sqdms and competitive runner sqdms were at the end (almost the end part) cheering for us. but oh well. i died soon after frm stitches -.- but im glad I didnt stop before that. thank you to cadets for cheering us on as well. haha. funny. haha laughs at kw's enthusiasm over top 50 badge (: yay sqdms pwnzx.

went to dingtaifung with classmates. ;D talked about funny and scary stuff. tsk. thanks to shan's story im scared I hearing marbles at night again. sian. haha. now i've found out im not the only paranoid one! haha! poof. xiao long pao is nice. (:

went out with jieyi after celebrating uncle's birthday. haha. thanks dear. :D been fun shopping and fenging around with you :D hope you like your gift hoho. :D nice to see you smile and laugh like the old times again :D love ya lots :D ♥ teehee.




Some songs just make more sense after sometime...when the message sinks in.

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets of Nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory lives on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

I wish you would answer the question. Pig.